Thursday, October 8, 2015

Bad News

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It has been a long and difficult day.  My husband and I have been taking care of my husband's cousin who has cancer.  We've been living with her since February.  Things seem to be getting progressively worse.

Today I took her back to her oncologist.  She finished radiation last week.  She's been so weak, and developed new problems, including pain in her back.  We got her CA125, cancer count from September.  It wasn't good.  Her cancer count was 1560; the highest it has ever been.  This reading is from just a week or 2 after she finished chemo.

There is only one type of chemo left for her to try.  The problem is that she is too weak to even try it.  We're not even sure if it would have any affect, because she has had so many rounds of chemo and they get less effective after each round of chemo.  She has been battling cancer for 9 years in December.

The doctor is going to do an MRI next week on her back to see if there are new tumors there.  At this point, it doesn't really matter what it says because she can't undergo any treatment.  We'll also get an updated cancer count next week.

She told me this afternoon, that she thinks she is nearing the end.  She was very calm about it, and said that she has made her peace with it.  Well, I haven't.  I know that she is getting worse but it is so difficult to deal with the thought of losing her soon.  Of course, we never know and she might bounce back again.  Right now, it just doesn't seem likely.

She hasn't wanted to talk to anyone on the phone lately.  It just seems to drain her.  So, I had to make the phone calls to her friends and family.  I started with talking to her friends.  They know she has been deteriorating.  We had already discussed the possibilities that she might be nearing the end.  So, they weren't really surprised.

On the other hand, when I had to call her brother and son, it was a different story.  Her brother was not prepared at all to hear that she might not get any better.  He kept thinking that she would get better.  He hasn't seen how much she has changed, how weak she is.  This was such a difficult talk.  He is coming to grips with it now.  Her son wasn't as surprised but it's so hard to tell someone that their mom might be dying.  He is going to try to visit.

Needless to say, it has been an emotionally draining day. 

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