Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Forgiveness

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What is forgiveness?  How do you forgive?  How do you convince someone else to forgive others?

As some of you know, I'm living with and taking care of an older cousin that has terminal cancer.  I want her to have peace at the end of her life.  She has recently gone back to the church, and wants to have a relationship with God.  My only problem with this is that she doesn't want to change.  She is very unforgiving.  Once someone has crossed her, that is it.  She is done with them.  I want her to learn to forgive but for one thing I don't know how to say anything without being in her bad graces.  

What would you do?  How would you explain it?  I think, she thinks she has but she definitely hasn't.  She has so much anger still towards her family and anyone else in her bad graces.
Forgiveness isn't forgetting but it is a letting go.  A letting go of anger, a letting go of the past.  Forgiveness means that they don't control your life or feelings anymore.  

We are told to forgive those that trespass against us but how do we go about forgiving someone?  When do you know you have really forgiven someone?  You can say you forgive someone one but saying it, doesn't make it so.  I know I've had a hard time with it myself.  I don't know how many times I've told myself I've forgiven someone to realize later that I really haven't forgiven them.  So, how do you forgive?

I need help.  I know many will say prayer.  I have prayed on it.  I've talked through it in my head many times.  I feel like I've finally forgiven the people in my life that need it, but I don't know how I finally got there.  There were really only 2 people that I needed to forgive, one of which I didn't realize that I needed to forgive.  The other one I thought I had forgiven, and then more crap happened later.  I finally figured out I hadn't completely forgiven them and now needed to forgiven them for more stuff.  There was so much anger.  It didn't help that my husband couldn't and can't seem to forgive this person, too.

Frankly, I got tired of being angry and holding on to stuff.  It is not worth it.  I think I've finally forgiven this person.  This does not mean that I have forgotten what they've done or will put myself in the same position again.  This person doesn't have any control of my life or feelings anymore.  I don't know how I let go.  I just know that I have and hopefully, I'm done with it.  However, I have a feelings that I may have to keep forgiving.  I don't think it is ever completely over.  I think things seem to slip back in when you least expect it.  What do you think?  Am I just weird?  Or just strange?

Life is too short.  I'd rather be happy and enjoy life instead of letting anger and bitterness have a hold on my life.  It may not always be easy but it is so worth it.  I want to feel this happiness in my soul, my heart, and my head.  I don't want it to be a front to others.  

I can see where this cousin puts up a front for others.  She is trying to convince herself (and may have) and others that she is a happy person with no anger problems towards others.  The thing is that everyone knows that it is just a front and tries to stay on her good side.  I just don't know how to help her.  I don't want to piss her off.  She doesn't have any other family that will help her out.  I don't want her to die alone but I want her to resolve issues and make peace with her children and siblings.

What would you do?  How would you broach the subject?  How would you go about teaching someone to forgive?  Especially, when you have no idea how you did it yourself.  I need help.  She needs help, and soon.

In the blink of an eye everything can change.  So forgive often and love with all of your heart.  You may not have the chance again. ~ Zig Ziglar

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