Monday, September 29, 2014

Get Your Bum Feeling Fresh & Clean with Cottonelle & Your $1.50 Off Coupon

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Ok, I know cleaning our bums is kind of an embarrassing topic.  Nobody likes to talk about this "taboo" topic.  So, let me make it a little fun for everyone first by posting that old email that went around a long time ago.  You know the one about all of the different kinds of poop.  Here we go:

Ghost Poop ~~ You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

Tar Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Poop ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong  Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks.

Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!

Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Poop  ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it?

Mexican Food Poop ~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butt hole stops burning.  It also smells so bad your nose burns.

Drinker Poop ~~ The kind of poop you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butt hole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish.

Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.

Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

The Never Ending Poop ~~ It's the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. 

Now that we've had our fun.  Let's talk about keeping your bum clean with Cottonelle and their perfect combo of Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper and Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths.  Why is it that we only use cleansing cloths on babies?  It is time for everyone to start using them, especially when we have "tar poop".

I don't know about you but I hate the skid marks that I find in my families laundry.  Well, we won't be seeing any of that now that we have Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper and Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths.

Those Cleansing Cloths aren't only for your bums though.  My daughter is always telling me to get more Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths.  She has told me she prefers using Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths at that "time of month".  She feels so much cleaner after using them.
What's even better is that you can get a coupon for $1.50 off of Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths.  So, now you have no excuses.  Help keep your families bums clean with Cottonelle.

Many thanks to Cottonelle for sponsoring today's story, and keeping my bum clean!

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